


The One Little Pig and the Big Bad Wolf and Little Bad Tiger

by shackles_of_the_madness



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Crack, Double Penetration, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-02 03:24:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11500779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shackles_of_the_madness/pseuds/shackles_of_the_madness
Summary: A retelling of the three little pigs with one little katsudon fatale and the dangerous animals who want to devour him.





	The One Little Pig and the Big Bad Wolf and Little Bad Tiger

Once upon a time there was a sweet little pig. His name was Yuuri.

Yuuri had reached the age where it was time for him to leave his parent's ryokan and make his own way in the world. He hugged his parents goodbye and left the house.

"The first thing I need to do is find a place of my own," thought Yuuri, "I don't want to be outside when it gets dark…"

Yuuri found a lovely forested area by a beautiful lake.

"This looks like it would be a great place for a house, and in the winter I can go ice skating!" thought Yuuri.

He gathered up sticks from the forest and carefully built himself a house from them.

He finished just as the sun was setting and went inside to settle in for the night. No sooner had he finished making some Grassudon than he heard a sound. Cautiously, Yuuri put his ear to the wall and listened.

It was a strange snuffling type noise right outside his window.

He poked his head up to peek out the window and came face to face with a wolf!

"He~y little piggy" smiled the wolf.

Yuuri ducked back beneath the window quickly.

"Don't be like that!" the wolf crooned, "Such a lovely little piggy as you doesn't need to be afraid!"

Yuuri scooted away from the window, wrapping his blanket around him to hide.

"My name is Victor, little piggy" the wolf called again, "Why don't you let me inside?"

"N-n-no thank you," Yuuri called out.

"Don't tease, little piggy," the voice moved around the house as the wolf tried the door and windows, all of which Yuuri was thankful he had locked tight!

"I'm g-g-going to go to b-b-bed now, p-p-please go away," Yuuri stuttered, shaking beneath his blanket.

"Sounds like a wonderful idea, little piggy, just let me in and we can go to bed together," the wolf growled.

"N-N-NO THANKS!" shouted Yuuri.

"Well then you leave me no choice," the wolf sighed.

For a moment it was quiet then suddenly there came a huge CRASH! Yuuri ran to his window and saw the wolf quad flipping into the walls of his house! Such power! Such grace! SUCH DESTRUCTION! Yuuri managed to grab his blanket just as the house began to tumble. He raced through the door as the sticks fell in shambles around him! The wolf, still caught in the momentum of his last jump, couldn't get out quick enough to give chase.

"Little piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig~!" the wolf's howl followed him as Yuuri ran through the woods. Yuuri was exhausted from the ordeal, but he knew he had to keep going. Finally he spied a cliff face with a large pile of rocks

"That will make a much sturdier home!" he thought, "No wolf could get into a home of stone!"

It took him the rest of the night and into the morning, but he managed to pile the stones into a sturdy little house. As soon as it was done, he made sure everything was locked tight, wrapped himself in his blanket and fell asleep.

Yuuri awoke just as the sun was starting to go down. He quickly fixed himself a bowl of Grassudon and ate with one eye to the window. There was no sign of the wolf through dinner and washing up, and Yuuri began to relax.

Suddenly he heard a strange noise!

It wasn't the strange snuffling noise of the wolf. Rather, it sounded like soft thuds and scratches. Curious, Yuuri went to the window and looked out. There he saw a ferocious tiger!

Yuuri ducked back beneath the window, but it was too late! The tiger had spotted him!

"Oy, piggy," growled the tiger, "Let me in."

"N-n-no thanks," Yuuri wrapped himself in his blanket and hid under the bed.

"Huh!? I said let me in!" the tiger snarled, pacing around the tiny house.

"N-n-no! I'm g-g-going to b-b-bed!" Yuuri shouted, even though he'd just woken up.

The tiger made a strange noise, "I can keep you warm little piggy, just let me in!" Yuuri felt on the brink of tears. He didn't want to be eaten!

"N-NO!" he shouted firmly, gathering all of his courage.

"Well then you leave me no choice," the tiger growled.

Yuuri braced himself, listening intently. Surely his stone house would fare better than his stick one!

Suddenly he heard a noise up near the roof... curious, he snuck out to peak out the window. The tiger was quad lutzing (?) a spin kick directly into the weak point where the roof met the walls! The roof began to quake!

Yuuri managed to grab his blanket and rush out the door just as the first rocks started to fall. The tiger, still airborne at the time (such height!), was unable to give chase quickly and he managed to escape. Yuuri was glad he had managed to sleep all day as he had to flee into the night. Who knew the world was such a dangerous place! Everyone who had visited his parent's ryokan had been so kind! As he ran, Yuuri thought. If even stone wasn't enough.... what could he do??

Suddenly, he had a thought!

His mother had told him once that predators hunted by smell. In order to hide from the predators, he would be best off finding a way to hide his scent!

(is no abo, bitch)

Yuuri searched until he found a beautiful valley filled with flowers. There were roses and tulips, daffodils and iris. So many varieties it made his head spin! At one side of the valley, after much searching, he found a little cave. The front was concealed by vines covered with beautiful flowers. It would be perfect!

He found a piece of bark to put in the opening, behind the flowers, as a door. Now he would be doubly safe! Flowers to hide his smell and a cave that couldn't be knocked down!

Feeling quite pleased with himself he picked some flowers to decorate his table and sat down to a well deserved bowl of grassudon. He had just finished eating when he heard a sound. He peeked out of the little hole in the door, between the vines.

The wolf!

He ducked aside, listening. The wolf didn't come any closer. It couldn't smell him!

Then there was another noise!  He peeked out.

It was the tiger!

The tiger and the wolf glared at each other across the field of flowers.

"What do you want, old cur?" the tiger growled.

"None of your business," the wolf snorted, "Run along and practice growling."

The two predators circled each other.

Yuuri stared through the door, unable to rip his eyes away. Would they fight? Maybe they would kill each other! Oh, but he'd have to clean up the bodies... couldn't they kill each other somewhere else?

He stuck his head further and further out, trying to see. Suddenly he felt a strange itching in his nose.

Oh no!

His nose twitched. And itched. He tried with all his might to hold it back, but out came a great AH-CHOO!

As one the tiger and wolf turned and looked straight at him!

Yuuri fled from the door, wrapping himself in his blanket and huddling in the back corner of his cave.

"Little piggy~" called the wolf, "Let me in, sweet piggy~"

"Oy, he's mine, you old cur," the tiger growled, "get your own!"

"I saw him first!" the wolf snarled.

"Oy, pig! Pick!" the tiger yelled.

Surely he couldn't be serious? Thought Yuuri. Choose who got to eat him? Really? This wasn't fucking Saw.

"No way!" shouted Yuuri, "I won't let either of you in!"

"Oh I assure you, you will," growled the wolf.

Yuuri was panicking, his little bark door wasn't that strong! He curled beneath his blanket and sobbed. Goodbye flowers~ Goodbye grassudon~

With a great BANG the bark door fell beneath twin triple axels. Yuuri hiccuped quietly beneath his blanket as they came closer.

"Back off, Yurio," growled the wolf, "I saw him first."

"Fuck off, Victor," snarled the tiger, "he's mine!"

They bickered like children

It was so bad Yuuri felt himself getting irritated despite his fear and sadness. They went back and forth, forth and back until suddenly he'd had ENOUGH! If he was going to die today it was NOT going to be being pulled apart by a pair of kids!

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHARE!" he yelled.

The wolf and tiger froze, staring at him.

"...share..." the wolf gaped.

"...seriously?" asked the tiger.

"Yes! You're both adults! And I know I've never been a skinny piggy! Just SHARE!"

The wolf and tiger looked at each other.

Then looked at Yuuri.

"Well..." said the wolf.

"...if you're sure," said the tiger.

Yuuri half regretted his decision, but he had come to terms with it. If he died, it would be with HONOR!

"I'M SURE!" he yelled, throwing away his blanket and laying himself down on the bed as an offering, "JUST EAT ME ALREADY"

"Eat you?" the wolf cocked his head.

"Moron," laughed the tiger.

Yuuri blinked at them... "Huh?"

"We don't want to EAT you, piggy" the wolf slunk over to the bed and climbed over him.

"What a fucking waste," snorted the tiger, pushing up next to the wolf on the bed

Before Yuuri could fashion a response he squealed as the wolf's mouth covered his, the tiger swallowing his frightened dick in a way that made Yuuri think they were most certainly lying about not eating him. The room seemed to swim, filled with the heady smell of flowers and the heat of the two mouths devouring his skin. Yuuri's brain struggled to find sense but as soon as he came to grips with the actions of one of the predators the other would steal his mind again. He was so out of it that it took him a long moment to identify the strange sensation in his piggy posterior.

A slow slide of stretch and heat accompanied the wolf's shaft as it slid home. Yuuri clenched at the sheets, feeling like a stuffed pork chop.

"Hey! Bastard!" the tiger's snarl tore Yuuri's attention away from his overfull bottom.

"That's what you get for being a lazy kitten," the wolf grinned, thrusting deep and making Yuuri moan.

"Oh no you don't, bastard," the tiger put a paw beneath Yuuri's back and pushed. Yuuri found himself even more deeply impaled on the wolf's shaft, his arms clenched around his neck. The tiger slid up behind him, sandwiching Yuuri in sweaty heat. With a lot of maneuvering and a discontented snarl, the tiger positioned his dick alongside the wolf's and together they went wee wee wee wee all the way home.

....the end.

**Author's Note:**

> I just really liked that line for the ending XD If anyone wants to write a sequel, be my guest.
> 
> Another line by line fairy tale from the Madness chat. Thanks to Jilly for being copy paste bitch for this one!


End file.
